Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
it glows. i had to have it.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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