@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
