i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He's a Shit stain on my heart
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
