If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
