Who wears a wallet chain?!
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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