I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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