Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
