haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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