No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
