but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
