You really coming over, don't trick.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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