Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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