if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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