does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
