Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
