In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
from now on my penis is your penis
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
