We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
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