so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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