Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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