we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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