There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I love you. Go after that dick
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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