So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
