i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
