I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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