I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
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