Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
