That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I could have mohawked her pubes.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
