My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
