this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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