In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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