The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
