Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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