No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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