a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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