where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
