Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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