chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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