So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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