the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
