did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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