Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
