I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
