I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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