Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
