____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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