You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
