yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
