Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
