We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
