I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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