I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You left your phone here
Wait...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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