We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
