I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
