yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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