ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
