Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Randomize
