Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
