Your mouth is God's brothel.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
