Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
