I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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