thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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