She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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