my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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