i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
