I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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