Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
