He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
