I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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