It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
