i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
