awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
