i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
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