I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
