the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
